Tuesday, January 6, 2009
How can my fiance be "saved" ?
This doesn't pose much of a problem yet, but I feel more and more like I want to go out with the teams from my church on missionaries etc, one day, and I'm not sure he will be so understanding of that. Although he does try to respect my beliefs.
I know that he beleives in something, he just finds it difficult to comprehend. He often asks questions, and I try to answer him, but if I can't, I'll ask my mum and she usually can.
When we have children, although we haven't spoken about the details yet, I know that he won't have a problem with them coming to church with me, obviously I will give them a choice; I won't force them!
I guess I just wanted to know if there's anything I can do or say to help him to understand more?
He's not a very strong reader, and so I know that he wouldn't read the Bible, I have thought of getting him a children's Bible, but I don't want him to think that I think he's stupid (if that makes sense?!) He's just not that into reading anyway, it takes him a while.
I have prayed, quite a few times on this matter, I found a specific prayer in a book titled "Bible Prayers For All Your Needs", and I prayed for the salvation of a loved one.
I just think that if I could just get him to come to church again (he's been before but thinks it's too wierd - Pentecostal - lots of jumping and dancing and flag waving, and he kind of freaked out when the congregation started "going down in the Spirit" and speaking in tongues and crying...) but if I could get him to come again, I have a feeling he'd understand and be saved.
He's not very empathetic and tends to "zone out" sometimes and lose interest, though.
His family were Catholic, but he's only ever been to Catholic church for his grandparents' funerals, he didn't go to Catholic school like his father did, so he doesn't really even know the basics.
I want to share my love of God with him, I want him to feel what I feel and I want him to feel blessed and loved so much that words can't even comprehend it!
Is there anything I can do??
Maybe you could ask her and find out more about how that happened. I'll willing to bet she was very patient and nonjudgmental.
It sounds like you've shared your feelings with your fiance. Has he shared his with you? If so, and if church freaks him out, maybe he's just not into church. If it turns out that he isn't, are you ready to accept that? I think you should be, and you should let him know that.
God has to reveal himself to him.
No one can be saved unless God speaks to that person's heart.
So... best advice.... just wait patiently. Let him come to his faith through seeing you live yours. It can happen!
Oh, I just saw your edit! Yes, you can be married in the church. My pastor at the time knew of John's feelings, but felt it was appropriate and that we needed more than most to have God's blessings on our marriage.!
get him mohawk style
So, don't worry. Here is what God wants from you. It is that you love Him and your neighbour as yourself. Let this be your one and only guideline. Everything else is religion. Get away from modern Pharisees and scribes who are quick to make you feel guilty and will stop at nothing to have you under their authority.
Each person's soul, when it finds its place where it belongs among one religion or another, knows it when it finds it, quite clearly. At that point the person cannot be kept from going there. The soul drives him to go.
Your boyfriend has apparently not found that yet. He didn't seem to find it in your church either. He may find it some day and it may be Hinduism for all anyone knows.
His soul knows where it belongs and when the time is right, the opportunity for him to find that place will arise.
The question then will be, what will you do if that place he finds isn't your religion? Will you respect that, as he is now respecting yours?
I found your caring so much about what happens to him, very touching. It's clear you have very deep feelings for him. Very sweet.
EDIT: Yes I can understand you wanting to be able to share your deep thoughts and feelings about it all with him, and you should be able to do that with the person you love. If you try this repeatedly and it seems to go nowhere, it is possible that if you marry him and later find that this has never changed you may begin to feel very lonely inside. You might begin to long for that connection that comes from being able to share your deep thoughts and feelings, and things might not go so well for you as a couple at that point. So it might not be a good idea to get married for a few years until you see whether or not this will all work out and be successful between you first. I wish you both the best.
the best thing for both of you is to be open and discuss what you each believe. Just always remember that not everyone believes, and if he decides he doesn't want to believe, then that's the end of it, after all, you might be wrong.
Good luck!
Basically you have to compromise and let him have his own beliefs and not try and change his all the time. If he wants to change he will, otherwise dont force it upon him.
Edit... why does he have to have beliefs you can define? It's certainly possible to go through life a happy and fulfilled person without being able to nail down your precise beliefs about the nature of god (or lack of existence of god). If he's a good person the way he is, he doesn't need to come to your religion to be a good person if you see what I mean.
Remember Lisa, Understand that what you allow yourself to see, think, hear, say and do literally sets into motion the very path you will walk, so make every effort to see, think, hear, say and do good things each day. This takes effort and practice it each day.
In Jesus' Love
Robert
No wonder our children have run amuck. Forbid you decide what your children will do. Let them make the decision for themselves. Then put them in the hands of a teacher and let them mold them to their beliefs. Parents are their first teachers and parents have the responsibilities of raising their children. Not the TV, not the video games, not the preschool teacher and not the public school system. but the parents.
I think you should rethink this whole thing. God bless you.
This is perhaps one of the toughest situations that many young Christians face - what to do when you realise that you are fully committed to your faith but you love a person who isn't.
Truly there is no absolutely right answer here and even the biblical advice leaves you in a situation where you must evaluate your deepest longings and desires for yourself and act accordingly...
For example, while 2 Corinthians 6 advises us to not be yoked to a non-believer in marriage, 1 Corinthians 7 advises us to stay in the situation we find ourselves in when we first believed and that a non-believing spouse may indeed be sanctified by their believing spouse in the same way as 'usa' described above in her touching story.
From what I know about you, you have only recently become convicted of your faith in God and Jesus and you have been with your fiancee for longer than you have actively believed. You find yourself therefore in love with a non-believer when you believed but not yet married - accordingly both 1 Cor 7 and 2 Cor 6 could be seen to apply...
There are a few things I would add though - and these come from personal experience...
I have a very good friend who is a solid believer and fully committed to Christ in her heart. She became a believer before she got married but backslid. During this period she met her husband and he really was a blessing to her (actually he helped her to desist much of the things she had slipped back into - alcohol and drugs to name a few). They got married and shortly after she began to believe again. She has not looked back since... However, now she finds herself torn up inside that the man she married does not believe in God and has little interest in Christianity. Don't get me wrong - he thinks her faith is fantastic, he supports her in it and even says openly that she is a nicer person when her faith is strongest... He, however, does not believe.
They have a fantastic marriage in many ways but I know she cries inside that the deepest part of who she is is something that she does not share with her husband. If you do decide to continue in the relationship (I'm not advising you don't) then you too may find yourself carrying a similar burden. Are you strong enough to carry this - do you want to carry this? It is very possible that your faith may influence and affect him in the same way as 'usa's faith affected her husband but it is also possible that it never will have this effect.
Now we come to the real longing in your heart - how do you convince him to believe?
That is something that it is impossible to tell you... Each person is an individual and approaches God in this way - the individual things that will impact your fiancee are things that it is possible no man could know - only God.
However, there are a few things. The first is pray. I know you already are but continue in this. Sometimes the answers to our prayers have already come but there is a story that must be worked out first and your fiancee may already be going through the motions of this.
The second is to find out what his reservations are. He believes there is a God - does he really, or has he just never considered that there might not be and determined that there is? Those who are not only agnostic but really don't mind one way or the other are often far more difficult to talk to than those who are convinced that faith or the absence of it is of utmost importance. If he has determined that there is a God then what are his reservations with the Christian God as he understands Him? If you can find these things out then you can begin to address them.
Third. The church you are attending may seem very foreign to him. Personally I think there is a problem with churches having a doctrine that enables them to all 'talk in tongues' at the same time contrary to Paul's advice to the Corinthians in 1 Cor 12-14 but that is not the issue here... Such churches can often put non-believers off because they become convinced that Christians are all nuts - just read the responses here of atheists to questions about tongues to see what I mean! Perhaps if you want to gently introduce him to church then a small group or bible study group might be better than a Charismatic Church... Just a thought.
Fourth - don't make any rash decisions. And don't tell him that the church advises you don't get married to non-believers. If he is not ready to hear these things then they will likely be more like judgment than freedom to him. The good news about Christ should be good news indeed and you ought to find out what it is about Christ that is good news to him and focus on these things.
Fifth - don't let any Christian judge you on this. You are not sinning and Paul's advice to the Corinthians is just that - advice of one who is trustworthy. It is not a new command from God that makes your actions sinful. Ready Colossians 3 and see that you have freedom in Christ within your current situation to act according to your best conscience and that no Christian should judge you on this freedom.
Finally - persevere in your own faith. Faith in God is more important than anything for it saves and sanctifies you. Your actions have to be made with two things in mind - how can I follow Christ fully and completely while still respecting my fiancee. Remember, as a Christian wife your husband will be head of the marriage and you should see him this way so far as doing so does not affect your relationship with God in terms of causing you to sin. (Again, this is another question that I'm happy to go into with you at another time). Your faith may sanctify him but being argumentative and dogmatic about it most certainly will not. Our relationship with God is centered on reading His word and prayer. These things are not dependent on going to any particular church - although certain churches may help they are not required. If moving to another church at this time may help your finacee to approach God then you should consider if that is an appropriate course of action...
Sorry my advice might seem a bit jumbled but this is truly a tough and sensitive area. After all, your actions - one way or the other - may have an impact on his opinions of Christians and therefore the likelihood of him ever seeking God. If you don't persevere in your faith he may not understand or see how important it is not only to you but to all people. If you break up with him because of 2 Cor 6 and you aren't clear on why you are doing this... Or if you say anything in judgment on him that should be reserved for a Christian brother and not a non-believing brother... then you might find that he decides that Christ does not free you but enslaves you instead to a life of judgmentalism... I also want you to know that it is my experience and the experience of many other Christians that more often than not the non-believer does not come around to faith in Christ for many many years and so you might have a great deal of heartache and concern for his salvation ahead of you yet...
All this said, I want to finish with an encouragement... I too am another story of a person who was saved by his believing wife (although she was my girlfriend back then). We had only been going out a short while but I had fallen deeply in love with her. She felt the same but was really torn by whether this was a right relationship or not. We had talked about Christ and she knew I believed in God but that I wasn't really interested in taking it seriously. One day she said we needed to break up. She told me how serious her faith was to her and how important God was not only to her but to her future marriage as well. Knowing that I believed in God made me determine that I had better find out more about Him than I currently knew and so I started attending church and reading the Bible. Deep down I had always felt there was a great deal of truth to be found in Christ and so after a few months I decided to put my trust in him. Shortly after this I attended a conference (Spring Harvest) where I was baptised in the Spirit and there has been no turning back since. We were married 8 years ago in a church and have been awesomely happy ever since...
Truly it is possible that your perseverance and conviction in your faith can have a deep and moving impact on him that results in him seeing the truth in what you believe and putting his trust in Christ as well. Today, I am a missionary in Malawi and have spent the last 2 years working on writing discipleship materials and theology because I see our relationships with Christ as the most important gift we could ever receive and that understand what the gift means bring untold blessings to us all!
Tell him how much it means to you for him to be in church regularly . Here is something that I am sure you know and don't want to think about but, I must answer this question honestly . The Bible tells us to refrain from being unequally yolked . Please don't make the mistake of telling him this . Too many people go and "be saved" just for the sake of pleasing a loved one . We both know that is not real salvation .
Just leave it in Gods hands and trust that He will prvide guidance for you both . A good idea is Bible movies . Some of them are really good and interesting . There is a movie out that dramatises the entire bible . I cant remember the name but Stacy Keach is one of the 100 + actors in it . Jim Caviezel is also in it (Passion of the Christ ) . Try watching them on the nights before church and let The Holy Spirit convict .
I will add him to my prayer list . Have everyone you know lifting him up to God .Church , Groups , Friends , etc. I know He will provide .
God Bless You Sister : Sean
â Loyal Servant Prayer Warrior â
First of all, you might want to ask your fiancee if he's particularly interested in religion and spirituality at all: In this day and age, there are plenty of people who feel completely fine with having either the rough sketches of religion, or believing nothing at all. If he's one of these people, it wouldn't do to press the subject too much because it would be equivalent to nagging him. If he is interested in learning more about your faith, you should ask him how he'd feel best able to learn about the religion.
Second: If you seriously think he might have a problem with you going out with your religious teams, you should once more talk to him about it. It's best to give him the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions.
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? (1 Corinthians 7:16)
Just don't try to force anything on him, in fact, don't even try to persuade him in any way---if he actually wanted a part of that religion, he would do so himself with out being asked.
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